[Barriers] Overcoming excuses

[dawning_light]

Excuses! We all have them, and I think we all have some sort of love-hate relationship with them. On one hand, excuses suck. They keep us from getting things done! They make us feel yucky about ourselves. If only they weren't there, we'd be perfect! But on the other, we use them because they work for us. They let us stay in our comfort zone, they let us justify continuing on with the status quo.

You can't get things done until you overcome the excuses, and of course to do that you have to identify them, and make a plan.

Today's exercise: Identify at least one of your most common excuses, and make a plan to work past it or around it. Do as many as you want. If you don't have a plan, that's okay -- we're here to help! This is all about being positive and action-focused, so also feel free to talk about excuses you've overcome in the past and how you did it.

Also, it's always good to write about your daily accomplishments, so if you want to tack that on then feel free!

Comments

[dawning_light]

My biggest excuse BY FAR is "I don't feel well." That's not to say I'm making things up or anything; having a chronic illness associated with pain will do that. But real thing or not, it's absolutely an excuse I use to keep sitting around.

Sure, there are days when I literally can't get up and do things, but most often it's not that bad... but still bad enough that I often feel justified in telling myself that it's okay, and I don't have to do anything because I am sick.

This is a horrible thing to do to myself. Not only does it erode my motivation and probably keep me sickER because nothing makes me depressed like feeling worthless, but it also keeps me in a "sick person" mentality. That's not who I want to be. And while I definitely need to know my limits, I also need to recognize that just because I can't do EVERYTHING doesn't mean I can't do ANYTHING.

What I'm doing/going to do to prevent this:
1. Use time limits. It's easier to get myself up when I tell myself "I'll only do this for 15 minutes and then if I feel awful I'll stop." I'm getting myself moving and most often that is most of the battle and I'll keep right on going. But even if I don't, 15 minutes is much better than nothing.
2. Be accountable to people. I get the warm fuzzies when people tell me that they admire how tough I am and that I keep going no matter what life deals me out. Being able to tell you all here in this comm that I did stuff anyway feels great!
3. Improve my self-talk. Whenever I say to myself "I'm too sick" I will argue with that assumption just like I would do for anyone else. I will not let myself off easily.
4. When I really, really can't do anything that day, I will list my accomplishments for the week and make a modest list of goals for tomorrow, rather than anticipate I won't be okay tomorrow or worse, give up.

[temples]

The time limit thing is a great idea! I either try to work through the pain entirely or just can't make myself get up at all and don't even try, so that is a really good idea. I may just take it for myself!

I think you totally deserve as much rest as you need but it's also awesome that you push through and get so much done. Go Lena!

[dawning_light]

I definitely encourage using the time limits. It helps me get off my ass when "clean the entire house" feels like such a huge, overwhelming task. If I just start with 15 minutes or 30 or whatever that sounds quick and easy. More often than not an hour goes by before I even think of stopping.

[thehandofwisdom]

I especially like 2 & 3 on your preventing excuses list. I might need to work on 3 for myself as well - I give in to myself too easily right now!

[prefacing]

I feel like pain is always so tough to work though, and it's amazing that you do manage to work through it most of the time. The ways you have planned to deal with it sound absolutely fantastic and doable, especially time limits and being accountable to people, and I hope they are/keep being a success! \o/

[homgsekrit]

Time limits are awesome. I use them for a lot of things. And love all of your ways of combating, really. Of course, nothing but agreement - even fifteen minutes is better than nothing. And if you can't make it past that, then you might really need the rest.

[temples]

I have two very common excuses! And they are:

1. I'm too sore.
2. I'm too tired.

And, most of the time, they are true. Thanks to the endo, I'm sore pretty much 90% of the time. Thanks to how little I eat, I get fatigued really easily. The pain I can't really do anything about aside from mainlining Aleve, which isn't actually legal in Canada, so I'm being more determined to just work through it, and the fatigue from the eating is entirely fixable.

In fact, I'm not going to skip lunch today! :D /for me, that's an accomplishment.

[dawning_light]

I totally feel you, and I too have a difficult time eating sometimes. But it's awesome that you are being conscious about eating, it's so easy to forget when you're busy with ten trillion things and also don't feel well.

Yay for a nourished Jes! <3

[temples]

Yeah, these days eating two meals a day is an accomplishment for me. Eating one meal a day is normal, not eating for a full day is something my body knows how to do and cope with, orz. I will correct this!

[dawning_light]

Not that this is exactly the same thing, but I used to have a hell of a time eating breakfast. I felt ill whenever I did, so I just... didn't eat until like 3 or 4 PM. What eventually helped was just eating *something*, and making it something I really liked. It only took a few days before I started waking up hungry!

You're so right that your body adapts to the conditions you give it. Hopefully just a few days of eating 2 meals a day... just what you can handle, don't force it too much... will get you slowly more used to eating more often.

(gym) <3

[thehandofwisdom]

Yay for not skipping lunch! And wait...Aleve is illegal in Canada?

[temples]

Yeah. One of its ingredients is not okay with the Food and Drugs Act, so it's not sold in Canada. My grandparents usually bring it back with them from the U.S.

[thehandofwisdom]

O.o

[temples]

Stop judging my country! If anything, I should judge yours! (fuu)

[prefacing]

If you skip lunch tomorrow, I am never talking to you again.

No, just kidding, but the thought of you not eating makes me super sad, even if it is something you're used to. I think managing one meal a day as you have been is great, and if you can manage two sometimes, that'll be absolutely wonderful. :D

[compliant]

I skipped lunch. ;;

[socrash]

.......JES. 8|

Are you going to at least eat dinner? YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO EAT A MEAL TODAY. Or did you eat breakfast?

[compliant]

........VAL. :(

I ATE BREAKFAST. And I will have dinner! ...probably.

[socrash]

What did you eat for breakfast?

And I don't like that probably. :(

[compliant]

A CHEESE BAGEL.

AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.



...but I had it at like, eight a.m. and haven't eaten anything since.

[socrash]

Please eat something soon. :( Even if it's only another cheese bagel.

[compliant]

...okay you know what?

If you make sad faces every day



I WILL EAT SO MUCH MORE THAN I DO NOW

[socrash]

/MAKES SAD FACES AT YOU FOREVER

....I was going to take a picture of myself looking sad, but it ended up with me looking angry, so have a sad puppy that is a good representation of me when you don't eat instead.

[compliant]

I want to see the angry picture anyway! SHOW ME.

[socrash]

I will show you the picture after you've eaten (again) today.

[compliant]

My god.




THAT'S GENIUS.

[dead]

[socrash]

....Actually I looked at the picture again and it just looks like I'm grossed out. orz

BUT I WILL MAKE A BONUS FACE OF YOUR CHOICE IF YOU EAT WITHIN THE NEXT THREE HOURS.

[compliant]

MAKE THE FACE YOU MAKE WHEN YOU'RE PLURKING YUUL TWENTY TIMES IN AN HOUR. :D

[homgsekrit]

That sucks Aleve isn't legal there! Since, well, it's one of the few pain killers I've noticed helps me, too.

And eating is so important, so yay for not skipping lunch!

[thehandofwisdom]

My biggest excuses are "Well, there's always tomorrow" or "You've done this and gotten by your entire life, why should now be any different?" and the problem is that...well, tomorrow doesn't actually exist and "getting by" isn't what I want anymore.

As for how I'll overcome these? Well, for right now, it's a constant reminding that I give myself that I want to be as inspirational to cute boy as he is for me, and not just him. Any of my friends or family. And my professor. I want to give them something to be proud of too - like "Yeah, my daughter/friend/student does all this stuff! Look at her!" And if I can bring a smile to their faces doing that, then I've done well, so I have to keep finding ways to do that.

Also, my accomplishment today: I kicked ass on the final I took this morning, and I only have one more to go before I'm done for the semester!

[dawning_light]

Oh geez I'm SURE you're not alone in using these excuses. I use "there's always tomorrow" a lot myself.

I definitely love the self-talk you're doing and the reasons you want to get past the excuses. Making people proud of you (and you proud of yourself) is great motivation.

And CONGRATS ON YOUR FINAL AND THE END OF THE SEMESTER~! /pompoms

[temples]

Man, "there's always tomorrow" is one of my favourites. JUST... pretend there isn't! Pretend every day is December 20th and only you can save the world by accomplishing Tasks A, B, and C.

Congrats on your final! I knew you could do it. ♥

[prefacing]

Agreeing with Lena in that you are not alone in using those excuses! I think what you have so far is a great way of getting motivated, and I hope it works for you. c:

And you are the most awesome Sandy to ever Sandy (even better than Hurricane Sandy!) and I admire you so much for kicking butt on your final.

[homgsekrit]

Yay for kicking ass on your final! Good luck with the other one, too.

And, lol, two of my excuses right there. And sure enough, yeah, tomorrow doesn't exist, and just getting by isn't the greatest thing. I still think your source of inspiration is adorable in of itself, and it's awesome to just know what motivates you.

[prefacing]

Oh man, I am with Sandy in using "There's always tomorrow" waaaaay too much. And....to be honest, it kind of screwed me over this week, since I put off sending my test plan to my boss for review until yesterday (because I kept putting it off and not finishing it because "there's always tomorrow") but there's the snowpocalypse where I am today so if he sends back reviews/additional things I need to do, I won't be able to fix them until tomorrow. And my thing is due at 8 am tomorrow. Aha.

I wish I could bottle this panicky feeling and take a whiff of it every time I think of slacking/putting things off until the next day, but since that's not really feasible, I think I'm going to find a way to get someone to check in on me and gently badger me into doing things. Not that other people should have to babysit me, but knowing that there's someone out there who's going to be disappointed in me if I don't do something is actually a great motivator for me. I want the people around me to be proud of me, rather than disappointed.

I think I might also make some sort of sign saying "Are you done with your work yet?" or "X and Y are depending on you" and hopefully seeing that every day at work will encourage me to get things done several days beforehand and not just at the last minute.

But since only talking myself down isn't going to motivate me, here's something good I did today: I shoveled my driveway. Twice. That's 10+ inches of snow gone! /o/

[dawning_light]

Holy crap that's a lot of snow. GO YOU! Also it counts double because EXERCISE. Shoveling snow is an insane amount of exercise.

Ughh I hate when that "I'll do it tomorrow :D" feeling bits you in the ass. Happened to me SO OFTEN when an emergency could come up or I'd be sick and then NOPE SORRY and my TDL would bite me in the butt while laughing at me.

The idea of signs is a great one! Quotes always motivate me, as does a list with a lot of strikethroughs on it. When I worked I had a half whiteboard/half bulletin board that I used for TDLs and inspiration... sometimes I'd put a row of post-it notes on the bottom of the thing, one for each item I wanted to do that day, and when I got it done I'd tear the thing off and dance on over to the trashcan with it. It made my students laugh at me but it was a little reward for doing a thing. IDK I'm rambling but hey.

ANYWAY I like your idea of accountability too, it's a huge motivator and I hope you figure a way to use it!

[thehandofwisdom]

Oh I really like that idea with making signs. I think I might have to borrow that, because it's one thing to think it, and another to see it there as a visual reminder.

As for the accountability thing, the way I deal with that is that I make sure to tell the person I want to inspire - whether it's my mom or people on plurk or cute boy - both the things I got done *and* the things I didn't. That way, I'm aware of whether I'm telling them a bunch of things I slacked off on, or a bunch of things I did well. And because I would rather do the latter than the former, I make sure I get things done so I have such things to say!

Also go you, getting rid of all that snow!!

[homgsekrit]

Totally like the sign idea! It's kinda like my sticky notes. And while other people shouldn't have to "babysit you", as you put it, there are probably some friends that wouldn't mind badgering you. Some people like to help others by keeping tabs on them, but this behavior can become nagging, or get perceived as nagging, so they might struggle with holding back.

Hope your ideas help, since they sound awesome, to me. And yay for the snow shoveling! That's an impressive accomplishment.

[homgsekrit]

My usual excuses are also, "There's always tomorrow," "I can do it later," etc. I also have a bad habit of using my job and how tired I am as an excuse. While, like others, sometimes the exhaustion is perfectly valid, and I'm working so I can't do x (like see a doctor until the ninth of next month), other times it really is me staying in my comfort zone, and possibly perpetuating the cycle.

Hell, even getting to this comment has been put off with, "I'll do it tomorrow." That started on Thursday. But part of this is valid, and part of it is my mind shutting off after certain points, and me refusing to push past that.

I have found, for me, something that works is this sticky note program I found on my laptop after restoring it. I love it. I put up sticky notes everywhere, and every time I boot it up I'm forced to see the reminders on my desktop. Then comes the urge to clear it off. I'm one of those people that can't stand a speck of dust on a clean surface, and the sticky notes have become associated with that same situation - they're clogging up/blocking my desktop view. Even one will bother me. This drives me to complete the task on there and get something accomplished. Also, bookmarking things. I get frustrated seeing a lot of bookmarks on my unsorted list, so I left this there and, sure enough, I'm taking the time out to do it now.

Overcoming the, "There's always tomorrow" excuse is simply me using my experiences when I've put something off, and how tangled or out of control things get. Like reminding myself how frustrating it is to have every dish dirty when I don't wash the dishes regularly.

I also make excuses not to take responsibility in arguments with others. Just so happens I was thinking of this on Thursday. I use them going out of control as a way to justify my own actions, even if they were also uncalled for. I'm not entirely sure how to put a stop to it just yet, but thinking through the entire ordeal and breaking it apart helps me identify certain things that could be handled differently. I'm seeing some improvements in other areas (my overall attitude at work. Yes, the hours seem really long, and they can be somewhat demanding, but I'm actually a cheerful person, and haven't been acting as such there, letting the overall pessimism get to me and affect me. Not anymore) from just this, analyzing actions and the affects of them. I'm hoping this method will work in other areas - how I handle people in disagreements - as well.

Then there's the issue, again, of identifying excuses versus valid reasons. This is important to me because I can be really bad it. Causing me to let an excuse keep me from doing something important, or forcing myself beyond a limit and even causing me to become ill, or overly exhausted to the point I can barely move.

Today it's snowing and raining (we've got a combo going on), so I thought about just NOT doing the load of laundry I wanted to. After all, my dry clothes would get wet - what's the point? (I live in an apartment complex, of many buildings. So our laundry area is a separate building we have to walk out to). HOWEVER! I decided I could just use a trash bag, therefore keeping the clothes dry.

Then I get there and have to deal with the new machine they just set up. Unlike our old one it doesn't have instructions, and I have no idea how to work it. On top of that, there's a lady trying to help me and talking to me the whole while. Now, while she is trying to help, and I'm good at multitasking, my multitasking comes to a halt with something complex and new combined with verbal communication I actually need to listen to. I simply can't focus.

So, laundry is not getting done right now. I called it quits and left, with plans to go back later ALONE, so I can focus on what I'm trying to do, and actually get something done. Leaving because the help wasn't helping me (through no fault of her own, though) - valid. If later I keep on about how I'm tired and I don't want to get this done? Excuse to stay inside the nice warm apartment instead of going back out in that.

I'm trying to use the reminder that tomorrow is going to much of the same (possibly worse) as a way to make sure I return later.

I've also found writing lists (laundry is on my list for the day), and getting to cross out the things accomplished helps me. I enjoy crossing that obligation off.

As for accomplishments: Wednesday I got in touch with a doctor's office, made an appointment, and put in a request for time off with my job so I can go to said appointment. Therefore getting closer to my goal for having a primary care physician, and getting the other things tended to. Thursday I reached out to an old friend and pointed out my flaws in some of our past encounters as a way of apologizing and letting her know I'm aware of them and will be turning those things around. Friday I accomplished my shopping, even though I tried to talk myself out of it with, "There's always tomorrow. It's cold and wet right now." I combated that with, "And it's going to be like this tomorrow. Better to get it done NOW." Oh, look; TRUTH. So glad I did it last night anyway. Today I had to rush back to the store for something I forgot, and really didn't want to.